first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
