i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
