apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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