Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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