my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
