I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
