I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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