Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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