He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My penis needs a shock collar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
