Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
