Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
