By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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