If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
