The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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