You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
