Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
