I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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