The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
