hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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