we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
