I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
