Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
