i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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