I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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