Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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