why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
