Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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