sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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