Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
