You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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