Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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