Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
