Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
