I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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