I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
