I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
