started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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