have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
