my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
