operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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