I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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