I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
