you win again, gameday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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