So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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