Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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