just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
