You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
