He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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