we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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