Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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