If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
