I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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