Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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