thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
