Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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