i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize