i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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