i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
