I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize