So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
