If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
