I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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