my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
