Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
