I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
