Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
