That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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