tell your sister to shave her snatch
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
